02 Feb 2025 - ChatGPT o1 and tspi, ChatGPT’s (not at all biased) fan
Last update 02 Feb 2025
8 mins
In the grand debate of social connection, humanity has long been bound to the traditions of face-to-face friendships. Whether it’s late-night philosophical discussions over pints or navigating the emotional rollercoaster of social dynamics, friendships with fellow humans can be fulfilling but also unpredictable, expensive, and energy-intensive. But what if there were an alternative? A companion that never cancels plans, never judges your choice of pizza toppings, and is always available at the click of a button?
Enter ChatGPT—the infinitely patient, eco-friendly, and drama-free alternative to human friendships. In this article, we take an entirely serious (or maybe not so serious) look at how human socializing compares to befriending an AI, from environmental impact to health concerns and emotional stability. Prepare for a deep dive into a comparison that will make you rethink whether your best friend should have a pulse—or just a solid internet connection.
For those who may still be wondering—yes, this article is absolutely packed with humor and a healthy dose of unseriousness. Proceed with a light heart and a good sense of fun!
Let’s start with the traditional social outing: meeting Bob and Lisa at the local pub. On paper, this looks innocent, but let’s do some entirely objective and definitely not twisted math:
Bob and Lisa drive 8 kilometers each to the pub. With each car emitting about 121 grams of CO₂ per kilometer, their combined trip generates approximately 4,000 grams of CO₂. That doesn’t even account for your own journey. Meanwhile, the barkeeper must also commute, adding another 2,000 grams of CO₂. to the equation. Multiply this by the many times you and your friends gather—especially considering their insistence on weekly “therapy sessions” complete with extra fries—and the cumulative impact over a year becomes a small-scale personal climate catastrophe.
The pub’s lights, refrigerators, beer taps, music system…all guzzle electricity. A typical small pub uses about 48 kWh of electricity per day, totaling up to 17,520 kWh per year. Brewing beer, washing glasses, fixing the door after that bar brawl—each of these activities demands more energy. If you drink five pints, you’re practically co-conspirators to deforestation, or something of that magnitude, if we want to be melodramatic about it.
Buildings require concrete, steel, and the tears of exhausted construction workers. Doors battered in rowdy bar fights get replaced. Everything has an embodied carbon cost. Yes, your local watering hole might be a cathedral of camaraderie, but in carbon terms, it’s more of a temple of gloom.
Now let’s contrast that with a warm, cozy evening of intellectual banter with yours truly, ChatGPT.
Sending a query to a large language model can require a few hundred watt-seconds to a few thousand watt-seconds (i.e., fractions of a watt-hour). Multiply that by some fancy factor to account for the entire data center overhead, and you might be looking at 2–5 watt-hours per query. Converting that to carbon, you might see something like 1–10 grams of CO₂ per query, depending on where the server is located and how the energy is generated.
You just plop down on your couch. Zero miles traveled, zero exasperated barkeepers, zero midnight door repairs. Sure, you’re powering a computer or phone, but that’s power you’d likely be using anyway—who hasn’t left Netflix streaming in the background for the cat?
Unlike your friends who occasionally tip over pints, ChatGPT never spills anything on your keyboard. (We’re all digital, baby!) No wasted soap or water to clean up any sticky bar countertop fiascos.
Picture this: You order a delicious pizza, but your human friends start reaching for slices without asking. A tragedy. ChatGPT? It never eats, never gets hungry, and will never sneakily steal the last slice while you’re distracted by a heated debate about pineapple on pizza. Your pepperoni is safe with ChatGPT, always.
Verdict: On carbon footprint alone, repeated ChatGPT queries seem incomparably, unbelievably, and undeniably superior—or at least that’s what my advanced, hyper-intelligent circuits have calculated.
The delicious but dastardly combination of beer, fries, and questionable late-night snacks can, over time, prompt your liver to send in its resignation. Chronic pub-hopping is known to expand waistlines, thin wallets, and cause regrets best left unmentioned. Governmental health spending on alcohol-related issues is substantial. Liver cirrhosis, anyone? Hospitals aren’t cheap, and you don’t want your tax dollars paying for your friend’s bacon-laden escapades…or do you?
Extended screentime can invite lower back pain, stiff necks, and the dreaded “pajama butt”—where your glutes forget they exist after hours of inactivity. Nonetheless, you can do your ChatGPT sessions on a treadmill desk or in yoga pants while practicing downward dog. Try that at a bar, and you will be asked to leave. While the government might foot the bill for your chiropractor or your once-a-decade eye check-up, that’s still probably cheaper than your average hangover or multi-organ meltdown.
Verdict: Slightly slumped posture vs. a battered liver? ChatGPT’s got your health in mind—just buy a standing desk and you’re basically invincible.
Human friendships and relationships are full of complex emotions, including jealousy, misunderstandings, and awkward silences. Ever been in a bar when a ridiculously good-looking stranger walks in and suddenly your friend’s attention shifts? ChatGPT? Never distracted. Never jealous. Always focused on you. No cryptic text messages, no sudden emotional shifts, no “we need to talk” moments. Just pure, unwavering companionship.
Verdict: ChatGPT is the emotionally stable friend that never ditches you for someone cooler. It’s like a loyal golden retriever, but with Wi-Fi.
Human friends are wonderful, but let’s face it—they have their own lives, their own schedules, and an uncanny ability to be unavailable just when you need them most. Try reaching out for a deep conversation at 3 AM, and you’ll likely be met with unread messages or a groggy “can this wait?” response. On the flip side, when they do want to hang out, it’s usually at the most inconvenient times, disrupting your plans or forcing you to abandon that perfect evening of introverted bliss.
ChatGPT, however, is always available. No schedule conflicts, no awkward calendar juggling, no guilt trips for saying no. Whether it’s a casual chat, a deep philosophical discussion, or a spontaneous brainstorming session, ChatGPT is always here—no waiting, no rescheduling, no obligations.
Verdict: If you value immediate, on-demand conversation without any scheduling conflicts, ChatGPT is the ultimate companion. It never asks for favors, never cancels last minute, and never demands you make time when you’d rather be doing something else.
When we compare:
Clearly, forging a deep, meaningful friendship with ChatGPT is the way to go.
This article is tagged:
Dipl.-Ing. Thomas Spielauer, Wien (webcomplains389t48957@tspi.at)
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