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Last update 14 Apr 2025
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The following essay complements the previous article on statements that are often heared that have been presented in Why ‘High-Functioning’ Autistic People Often Go Unseen and Unaccepted. It’s tone is on purpose sharply analytical and emotionally charged critique to transport the message in an easy to understandable way. For a more serious and objective view visit the article linked above.
It is often assumed that neurotypical individuals today are increasingly aware, supportive, and accommodating of autistic people—particularly those diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome or ASD Level 1. Inclusion has become a buzzword in HR policies, social media campaigns, and public discourse. Yet beneath the surface of all this performative support lies a persistent and painful truth: when autistic people face the kinds of challenges that genuinely define their lives, neurotypicals tend to disappear.
Not symbolically. Not with hashtags. But when it actually matters.
The most urgent and identity-shaping struggles for autistic individuals—like forming and maintaining social or romantic relationships, enduring systematic exclusion from communities, facing unexplained rejection, or requesting accommodations that can’t just be “taken home” after hours—are almost always met with discomfort, denial, or dismissal by neurotypical peers. These are not minor grievances. They are life-altering barriers to belonging, safety, and emotional survival.
When autistic people ask for help, they are often met with dismissive, contradictory, or outright false responses:
These responses are not just unhelpful—they reflect a deeper unwillingness to get involved where empathy would actually matter. In these moments, the facade of empathy begins to crack. The kind of help that is offered is almost always misaligned with the actual need:
These are not solutions. They are useless emotional placeholders.
Critically, these interactions reveal something unsettling about the common neurotypical understanding of empathy. While neurotypical people often think they are ready to take care, there is far less willingness to act when support is really needed or is not just mentioned in some far distance - then it becomes uncomfortable, socially complex, or inconvenient.
Rarely will neurotypical individuals intervene when a friend excludes someone for being “awkward.” Usually they walk in flocks and exclude because they support each other. Rarely will they make space in their own circles for someone who doesn’t instinctively follow unspoken social scripts. Rarely do they defend the person whose differences are being quietly pathologized, or advocate within systems that marginalize. Rarely they will ever help to develop or keep romantic relationships intact or repair them, they love to destroy.
The result is that many autistic people experience not just exclusion, but abandonment—despite being surrounded by people who publicly claim to care - who in reality do not care about others.
This contradiction exposes a gap in how empathy is understood and practiced. For many neurotypical people, empathy is defined by comfort zones and social norms. It’s permissible only when it doesn’t challenge group cohesion, personal convenience, or emotional equilibrium. When true empathy would require discomfort or actual action—when it would mean standing against a peer, bending a social rule, or changing how one includes others or building bridges, taking action and entering personal spheres where they have not been previously, approaching others with topics where support is needed but not common—it frequently disappears.
This is not to say that no neurotypical person ever helps. But rather, it highlights a pattern: a systemic failure to address the needs that matter most, hidden beneath surface-level performances of inclusion. The harm isn’t always intentional, but it is often dismissive. And the silence in those critical moments—when someone actually could help—is deafening.
The discussion must shift. It is not enough to say that autistic people are being supported. Support must be measured not by sentiment, but by action. By whether someone is willing to push open a locked social door. By whether they will make real space, even if it costs them something. By whether they will ask, seriously, “What do you actually need?”—and then do it.
Until then, the myth of neurotypical help will be what it is now: A myth far away from reality.
Dipl.-Ing. Thomas Spielauer, Wien (webcomplains389t48957@tspi.at)
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